Manage others’ expectations and you manage your success

This article by Paul Tolton, Director at KPMG originally appeared on LinkedIn:

Managing Expectations

I recently had an earache. After several visits to my GP and numerous ineffective drops and pills, she sent me to an ENT doctor. I later found out it meant “Eyes Nose and Throat” doctor and not ENTertaining doctor as I had much hoped.

After reading three articles on the latest research on rhinoplasty, I was ushered into to his small neat office. The doctor was a well-rounded, soft-spoken gentleman whose attempt at growing a beard was more than slightly less than successful.

“I’ll just look in your ear,” he said which increased my confidence in his abilities immensely. He peered into my aural canal and made gentle but disparaging noises. “There is some debris in there.”

The next thing I know is that I am hearing one of the strangest sounds I have ever heard. It was as if he had taped the squeaking sound that a balloon makes when you pinch the end of it, played that sound backwards and then he added the sound of individual angry popcorn kernels popping. At first, I was delighted with this new noise, until the pain started.

It felt like a pterodactyl was attacking me eardrum. I gripped the chair and one of my legs flailed uncontrollably as pain ripped though my body. And it went on until it stopped.

I gathered my composure, wiping a single tear from my eye and asked, “Did you just vacuum my ear?” “Yeeeeees,” he said as he smiled, eyes bulging in muted excitement.

Give me a little warning

If you are going to do some non-evasive evasive mucking around with my lughole, please let me know beforehand. Give me a few moments to prepare, brace myself against the oncoming flood of terror and put on a manly facade.

Giving people warning allows them to prepare. Giving people warning is managing their expectations.

Imagine you are at home and a friend pops by and says, “Let’s go for a drive.” You leap into the passenger seat full of excitement and joy. Half an hour later and wildly exasperated, you turn back to get your passport. If your friend had said, “Let’s go for a drive to another country,” you would have grabbed your passport, iPod, some snacks, that book you keep promising yourself to read, some motion sickness tablets, a blanket and a set of signal flares just in case. If you are expecting a long journey, you prepare for a long journey. If you don’t know what to expect, how can you prepare?

Task

If you are a manager setting a task, you need to be very clear about the expectations. If you throw a job at someone, maybe they will spend way too much time on it or dash it off while reaching level 324 on Candy Crush.

If you say to someone, “I am doing a presentation next Monday. I need some information about the Integrated Resorts focusing on original projected profits, actual profits and future profits. Spend no more than two hours on it and make it one page and no more than 500 words. Graphs would be useful. Please send it to me on Thursday morning,” I bet you would get want you want.

If you said, “I need something on casino profits, “you may end up with a 600 page history of Las Vegas including some strange speculations about the Hilton fire of ’81.

It takes a little more time, but you get want you want the first time and that saves time.

The missing context

Imagine you are heading back from a client and you get the following email from your manager. “Come and see me as soon as you get into the office.” How would you feel? Probably a little nervous and you would prepare to be shouted at.

If the message was, “We have possible new client that we are meeting tomorrow and we would like you on the team. Come and see me as soon as you get into the office. Thanks.” You would probably be excited and ready to contribute.

If we manage expectations, people are prepared.

Easy or hard?

Many years ago I did a two-month intensive course. At the interview for the course, they basically promised me hell. “Forget your friends for two months. You are going to lack sleep and lose weight. Go buy vitamins now.” And they delivered.

Because I knew what was coming up, I did prepare, right down to a study schedule and the 2 drinking days I gave myself as a reward.

If something is going to be difficult, say it. Never sell by covering something with icing sugar because the reality will dishearten and demotivate. And never promise the world when you can only deliver a small part of Madagascar. Be open and honest with your communication so people know what is coming.

If my ENT man had said, “I am about to vacuum your ear. This is going to hurt a bit but it will only last for two minutes” I would have been ready, willing and able. But he never said those words and I have a new doctor.

19 Hard Truths You Have to Accept to Be Successful

Found on themuse.com

By Paul Jarvis of Inc.

This guide works when bad things happen. Someone trolls you online? Read this. Someone hates your writing, your product, or your business? Read this. Get fired from a job or by a client? Read this. Zombie apocalypse? What’s probably more important are zombie-smashing devices and non-perishable provisions (but afterwards…read this).

1. Everyone Is Always Offended

We’re all set in our ways. As much as we tout how open-minded we all are, we all have little nitpicks about everyone else. This shouldn’t stop you from doing what you’re doing, but it also shouldn’t come as a surprise when someone tries to tell you how offended they are by what you just did.

2. Someone Being Offended Means They Took Notice

They noticed you, paid attention, and consumed what you made. Sure, they expressed their offended-ness at you, but now you’re wasting even more of their time because they’re telling you how much or why they hated it. Life will continue, the planet will keep spinning, and no one but you will be the wiser that someone was offended.

3. Not Being Noticed Is Universal

If no one hates you, no one is paying attention. Every single person that you’re currently paying attention to, at some point in their lives, was in your exact position. They kept at it and worked enough so that others started listening. If no one is watching yet, you can experience true freedom—dance in your underwear, write entirely for yourself, be weird.

4. You Will Be Judged

Fear can make us afraid of what others will think. It’s not a question of if people will judge you, because they definitely will judge you. People are judgy, and that judgment is scary. While we all care what others have to say, it becomes dangerous when we value their opinions more than our own. The list goes, in order of importance: 1. Our opinion of ourselves, 2. (which is a distant second) Everyone else’s opinion of us.

5. There’s a Difference Between Respect and Judgment

Being judged and being respected are not the same thing. People can think you’re an awful person and still hold you in high regard. Conversely, if someone judges you as a nice person or a decent human being, it doesn’t mean they respect you. People walk all over nice and decent human beings all the time. On the other hand, people don’t tend to walk all over people they respect.

6. Self-Respect Leads to Universal Respect

If you’re respecting yourself—publicly and proudly—chances are, others will follow. And even if they don’t follow, hey, you’ve got yourself a nice big bowl of self-respect, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

7. Entitlement and Self-Respect Are Different

Self-respect means you know what you’re willing to do and what you’re not willing to do. It’s honor and dignity that makes you you. Entitlement means you think you deserve something. Basically, you deserve your own self-respect and to be treated decently by others. Anything past that—you’ve got to work for it. And even then, even if it doesn’t work out the way you wanted, that’s just the way the cards fall sometimes.

8. You Don’t Need Those Who Don’t Respect You

The good thing about people not respecting you is that unless they’re actually causing you some sort of harm, you can ignore them completely. They’ll never support your work or make you better as a human being, so you drop them as quickly and silently as possible. They’re dead weight.

9. The People Who Respect and Value You Are Royalty

These are the most important people to you on the planet. They’re the ones who not only pay attention, but are interested. Treat these people like royalty, because to you, they should be. Make things for them, be generous toward them, and basically make sure they know how much you value them.

10. Confidence Is for Everyone

You don’t need to be loud to be confident. Sometimes the most confident person in the room is the quietest. Confident people know what they know and don’t need to share it to build confidence. Confidence comes from within. They share when the time is right or when they’re asked. They also share it in a way that works for them.

11. Giving a Damn

“Giving a damn” is your life’s currency. If you give a damn about everything and everyone, you’ll quickly run out of damns, or even worse, go into damn debt. Your time will be spread too thin, you’ll stress about tiny things and insignificant people, and external factors will rule your life and run it into the ground.

12. Care About What Matters

It’s OK to give a damn when you truly care about something. If you care about nothing, you’ll quickly become too cynical and jaded. Have a handful of people and causes you actually care about.

13. Not Giving a Damn Is the Opposite of Apathy

Apathy is the indifference you feel when something just doesn’t matter. Not giving a damn means you’ve stopped yourself from making something matter that shouldn’t matter. Not giving a damn is strength in the form of willpower, whereas apathy is just not feeling anything. This is a key point to understand and reflect on.

14. Be Foolish and Stupid as Often as Possible

Honestly, no one truly knows what they are doing. Experts, thought leaders, those who seem like they have it all—there are too many variables to account for what specifically worked in creating their success and what didn’t. The only difference between them and someone who hasn’t seen success is that they tried a whole bunch of ideas and didn’t stop trying until something worked. They’re more concerned with “What could happen if I…” than “What will others think if I…”

15. Everyone Is Weird, Awkward, and Different

You are too, so use it to your advantage. The only way to stand out, or stand apart, is to be your real, weird self. Otherwise you blend in. Embrace what makes you different, even though it’s difficult and stressful to do. Everyone you admire or look up to does this. Think about it. They all take the reins of what makes them different and use it to their advantage. No one that you’ve heard of got there by being like everyone else.

16. Don’t Let Anyone Set Your Boundaries

If someone tells you “You shouldn’t do that,” or “That can’t be done,” assume they’re talking out their own experience until you’ve proven otherwise for yourself. People are well-meaning, but their advice is clouded by their own ideas, their life experiences, and their choices. Never let someone else draw your line in the sand. That means it’s their line, not yours, and you’ve just been following their lead.

17. Know Who You Are (and Who You Are Not)

In having self-respect and setting boundaries, it helps to know a little about yourself, so you can make these decisions. Be clear about who you are and who you aren’t. First with yourself, then with others. Honesty is a lot easier than you playing a role because you think it’s a role you need to play.

18. Honesty Doesn’t Give You License to Be a Jerk

Being honest isn’t a license for you to run your mouth with impunity, and then end things with, “Hey, I was just being honest…” No, you were being a jerk. Don’t be a jerk. Not even jerks like other jerks. The best way to know if you’re being honest or just being a jerk is to think first, then speak.

19. Expectations Are Inversely Related to a Sense of Accomplishment

The Bhagavad Gita states that we’re only entitled to the work, not the fruits of that work. Don’t do anything because you expect something to come from it—do it because you really want to do it in the first place. It’s like writing a book because you really want a bestseller. It’s impossible to guarantee that. Write a book because you want to write the book. That way, regardless of what happens next, you’ve already accomplished what you set out to do.

None of the above points can happen without you paying attention. Paying attention to others, paying attention to what you care about, and—most importantly—paying attention to yourself. You’re the one in charge of your life, so take charge of it already.

That’s it. Nineteen difficult rallying points for mastering your own life. Now stop reading listicles on the internet and get back to being awesome.

Before You Respond to that Email, Pause – Harvard Business Review

This article was posted on the Harvard Business Review

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Before You Respond to that Email, Pause   Anthony K. Tjan

Someone sends you an email message or a text, and you’re unsure how to respond. It’s about a complex negotiation, or a politically sensitive situation. Or maybe it’s just from a person who unnerves you.

For a moment, you pause. But for most of us, most of the time, that pause doesn’t last long. Instead we react, feeling the need to immediately craft a response. And often we then hit “send” without fully thinking. The result: an awkward or incomplete message that causes the recipient to pause, then react, often starting or continuing a cycle of miscommunication and misunderstanding.

Yes, people today expect and want an instantaneous reply to any message. We often accommodate them because delay feels like a violation of modern-day social norms.

But there are many times when we should not immediately reply. And the truth is, we usually know them when they come. That’s what that initial pause is about. The key is to heed it.

There is a simple two-step method to making the pause work for you. First, buy yourself some time to think. Second, follow the four simple C’s of effective communication that help determine how best to respond in terms of the context, content, channel, and contact.

Buying Time

There are a few practical ways to buy some time when you get a message where your gut tells you not to respond or where you are not sure how to respond.

• The non-response response – “Got your message.” This is meant to serve as an acknowledgement but really is only filler. It may aggravate someone in the midst of a negotiation or other serious exchange.
• The expectation-setter – “Got it. Lot on the plate today, I’ll get back to you tomorrow afternoon.” This is often a good middle ground. It provides an immediate response of acknowledgment and resets the timetable.
• The confident pause – Don’t respond. Really. Just don’t. Pausing for at least 24 hours is a pretty good rule of thumb. Not responding is its own kind of response, which can often work to your advantage.

Once you’ve bought yourself some time, you soak in the information from the message and think of what the best response might be. There are four C’s that have served as a useful checklist for me to use during that pause time before I respond to a difficult message: context, content, contact, and channel.

The Four C’s of Effective Communication

Context – Having the right situational context is key. Who are the relevant parties to the conversation or discussion thread? Are there relationships and inter-dependencies and previous conversations that I’m not aware of? Do I fully understand what is at stake? In the multi-party transactions in which we often get involved in venture capital, sending out a quick response to even a simple query can backfire if the timing is wrong or the information out of date. Sometimes you can even answer a specific question in a technically correct manner, but be practically incorrect because you’ve failed to appreciate the bigger picture.

Content – The message needs to be delivered in clear manner with the right tone and style for the occasion. Having the right content means checking facts and being consistent with past discussion threads. If there is one thing that I have seen kill a negotiation or productive progress in a discussion, it is inconsistency of message, which both confuses others and diminishes your credibility. Get the facts and your message points straight in your head, then focus on delivering them in the clearest, most understandable, most consistent manner possible.

Contact – Are you even the right person to respond? It happens often: we are asked something and fail to realize that we might not be the best person to respond. Consider if someone else might be more knowledgeable or better suited in style to respond, especially in a crisis (where it is usually best to have only a single point of contact). There is a reason why terrorist and hostage negotiations are not conducted over Google Docs. And even in an open and collaborative everyday work culture, there are many times when deferring to someone else is the right answer. Also, consider if the person on the other side who is asking a question or provoking a discussion is the right contact person as well. And always — always! — be wary of “reply all” and judicious with the cc function.

Channel – Just because someone contacts you by email or text does not mean you have to respond by that channel. Email and text lend themselves to misinterpretation and misunderstanding. They are often likelier to prolong or inflame a debate than to resolve it. Sometimes it’s much more effective and efficient just to pick up the phone or meet up in person. Email is great for transmitting factual information — a spreadsheet of a business model, for example, or a summary of a prior discussion. But when there are issues to resolve, talking usually works better.

As the pressure grows to respond quickly, the value of pausing and thinking is growing too. We all should work toward developing better, saner norms of communication amid the explosion of channels available to us. But that will take time and thought to get right. In the interim, we just need to stop being so damned trigger-happy with that send button.

Power Climb Rule No 1| Exercise modesty with your boss. Showing-off can kill your career

Corporate success is as much about relationships and managing the emotions of others as it is about hard work, attention to detail, persistence and execution.

The Power Climb Rules are designed to help you master the psychological aspect of climbing the corporate ladder. Based on Robert Greene’s The 48 Laws of Power, this series will attempt to give you tools for navigating and mastering the emotional side of corporate success … both yours and of those around you.

Robert Greene’s first law of Power : NEVER OUTSHINE THE MASTER 

We’ve all heard this before – “Your goal is to make your manager more successful. When you make her life easier, career success comes automatically.”

Equally important, is to avoid bruising your boss’s ego by making yourself look better than them. You’re smart, talented and maybe even better at the job than your boss. But don’t let them see that. Avoid attracting attention to yourself at even the tiniest expense of your boss. What they need to see and feel is that you’re there for their benefit, not yours.

Everyone has insecurities. When you display your talents and start attracting attention, you naturally stir up all kinds of resentment, envy and other manifestations of insecurity. A boss who gets angry at your mistakes will forgive them and move on but when a person’s ego is challenged or bruised, he will not forgive.

Here’s an example from Robert Green’s book:

Nicolas Fouquet was French king Louis XIV’s finance minister. His intelligence and cleverness made him indispensable to the king. But he lost everything because he once threw a most spectacular party in honor of the king. He wanted to demonstrate his loyalty by spending an insane amount of money in tribute to the king. He also wanted to gently remind the king of his indispensability showing off his deep political connections and social popularity.

Instead, Louis XIV, who was vain and insecure, felt that Nicolas was flaunting his wealth and power. It also seemed to the king that his own subjects and friends were more charmed by Nicolas than the king himself. Jealousy ensued.

The next day, Nicolas Fouquet was arrested on trumped up charged of stealing from the country’s treasury. He was found guilty and spent the last twenty years of his life in solitary confinement at the most isolated prison in France.

Don’t fool yourself into thinking that much has changed since the days of Louis XIV. Those who achieve high standing in life are like kings and queens. They want to feel secure in their positions and superior to those around them in intelligence, wit and charm. You become a threat as soon as you challenge that notion, even if inadvertently.

A more contemporary example is the story of Sarah. Sarah was an operations manager at a large company. Over time, she had built a reputable team that set the bar for high performance. The team was close-knit and greatly respected Sarah as a leader and boss.

Then her company merged with another and Sarah was layered under Amy, a senior manager from the other company. It became quickly apparent that in addition to having a loyal team, Sarah was just better at the job than Amy. Senior leaders, who kept bypassing Amy and going directly to Sarah with issues, showered her with praise.

A couple of months later, Sarah was called into the HR office and fired.

Her firing had nothing to do with her performance. In fact, she had received the highest ratings in her latest employee reviews. She was fired because her greatness highlighted Amy’s shortfalls and flared her insecurities.

Amy realized that she couldn’t match Sarah’s knowledge and work ethic. She also just couldn’t build the same rapport with the team that Sarah had. Her only course of action was to remove Sarah from the competition. Sarah was promptly replaced with someone less intelligent, less attractive and ultimately, less threatening.

Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. Make your [leaders] appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.

– Robert Greene

By making your manager look good in front of others, you strengthen his position which can only help your own career. It doesn’t take more than following two simple strategies.

First, be good at your job and at anticipating his needs. I’m serious here. Being good at your job is a fundamental requirement. Then get to know your manager and become familiar with his goals. Make it a priority to understand the goals, numbers, projects, and other deliverables he is accountable for so you can support them as much as possible.

Second, occasionally stroke that ego. This doesn’t mean that you need to be a brown nosing, suck-up. You just need to sprinkle bits and pieces of emotional boosts from time to time.

Use subtlety.

Look for and shower her with minor compliments from time to time especially regarding how she’s doing in her role.

Let him … no … give him credit for your work and ideas. Not all. Some. If you have ideas that are better and more creative than your boss, figure out a way to talk to him about it first and let him take the credit for their success. Make it clear that your idea was merely an echo of his idea. Who doesn’t love the limelight?

Make her appear more intelligent than you. Take every chance to seek advice and guidance. Act naive once in a while. Make it seem that you need her expertise. Even if you know the solution, ask for help. Boss’s love feeling needed and giving advise. Seeing themselves as your mentor is a natural ego booster.

Robert Greene says:

It is not a weakness to disguise your strengths if in the end they lead to power. By letting others outshine you, your remain in control, instead of being a victim of their insecurity. If you can make your [managers and leaders] shine even more in the eyes of others, then you are a godsend and you will be instantly promoted.

Why does this work?

Because as your boss, who’s already at a higher position than you, gets promoted, will naturally look to surround herself with the person(s) that helped them get there i.e. you!

Email etiquette | the CC

One of my favorite sources of office etiquette is Ross McCammon who writes articles as the Equire Guy for Entreprenuer magazine.

His recent article on the etiquette of using the CC feature in emails is brilliant. We’ve all used it. We’ve all been a victim of someone else using it on us when we’ve least expected it. Some of us may have even been thrown under the bus via the CC. It sucks!

If you’ve ever been confused about when and how to CC someone else in an email thread, read on. Below is the excerpt as it appeared in the Feb 2015 copy of Entreprenuer.

You’re at a party talking to your co-worker Dave. You’re having a nice back-and-forth about work stuff, the softball game next week, what the smell is …

As Dave is talking to you, he taps Susan on the shoulder and beckons her over. So now it’s you, Dave and Susan. But he doesn’t say anything to Susan or even disclose why he asked her over. He just continues talking to you like Susan’s not even there saying out loud everything you guys were discussing before she got there. Even the stuff about Susan. And she’s not saying anything. She’s just standing there, looking blankly at the space between you and Dave.

That’s what CC’ing is like. But that’s a particular type of CC – the “discreet insertion CC.” All of a sudden a name appears in an email. Why is that person here? Where did they come from? What is their agenda? Why is their presence not being acknowledged? This is surreptitious. Distasteful. Irritating.

Contrast this with the “Over-insertion CC,” which involves acknowledging that you’ve added someone to the email thread. It’s like the above scenario, only Dave says, “I’m going to bring Susan into this.” Still surreptitious, but less so. And a little less irritating.

Also of note is the “responsibility minimization CC.” It says “By involving someone else, I am making myself less culpable should whatever we’re emailing about go sour.” On the spectrum of Irritation, this falls between the above two types of CC’ing.

The most aggressive approach is the “defensive CC.” It says to the other party: “By involving this particular person, you are not going to so easily get away with what you think you’re getting away with.” Forget irritating. Here, you just seem vaguely sociopathic.

But the worst CC is the “blind CC.” It’s a move straight out of a spy novel. It says “Hey, go over there and stand behind those boxes. Just wait. They’ll come in, we’ll talk, and you’ll hear everything! And they will never know.”

The blind CC says to the CC’d, “I trust you with this information. In fact, I trust you more than I trust the person I’m betraying.” That’s the problem: It’s sneaky. And the 438th rule of business states, “If you benefit from the sneaky behavior of others, at some point the sneaky person will use the sneaky behavior against you.” Your emails will also be copied to someone else without your knowledge.

THE EFFECT ON THE COPIED

Sometimes you’re Susan. You’re the one that’s been brought into the conversation against your will. If you’re only the third or fourth person on the email chain, then you an obligation to acknowledge that you have been pilled into the conversation. And if you have any questions as to why that is, you have an obligation to inquire about what kind of contributions the CC’er thinks you can make. This is an investment. It says to everyone involved: “I want to be of help here, but if I have been CC’s here for ulterior motives, then please think twice about ever CC’ing me again.” It also says: “It may have been a mistake to CC me, because I am the kind of person who forces you to spend a lot of time explaining why I was CC’d. You irritate me, I will irritate you tenfold.”

The ethical problems are obvious: You’re changing the terms of discourse without the other person agreeing to that. CC’ing denies your colleagues a choice. Also, it lessens the importance of the CC’er and it forces the CC’ees to deal with a problem that they didn’t ask to deal with.

AND THEN?

The reason you’re doing the CC’ing is less important than the effect it has on communication – both in the short and long term. The CC suggests you don’t fully trust the person you’re dealing with. (Which, of course, your don’t.) A healthy skepticism is an important virtue in business.

But communicating that skepticism in such an obvios way changes the terms of communication. It says “You and I can’t do this on our own,” or “I won’t let you do this on your own.” When someone inserts a CC, I am immediately less inclined to communicate openly with that person. It degrades our relationship.

The Esquire Guy also provided a quick guide to the do’s and don’ts of email CC. For the entire article, pick up a copy of Entreprenuer today.

The fatal flaw of trying to please everyone…

I recently went out to lunch with my family. It was Saturday afternoon and my father-in-law, who was planning a drive to the neighboring city for the weekend, joined us. At the restaurant, he realized that his old school Garmin GPS had been drained of its battery and required a recharge. He pulled out the wall charger and looked around for an outlet.

In an effort to help, as a good son-in-law would, I took charge. Instead of suggesting that he use the navigation app on his smartphone, I told him not to worry, grabbed the device and the charger and walked over to the concierge. They refused to help. Undaunted, I looked around and saw a wall outlet right by the door.

I quickly savored my small victory and plugged in the device. I realized that I really couldn’t leave just out in the open (you know … because theft of GPS devices is so rampant these days). In a moment of genius, I figured out a way to hide the device from main view by placing it inside a hard to reach crevice, making it difficult to steal easily. Plus it was right in my line of sight, so if anyone tried to steal it, I’d see them.

Fast forward to paying the check and packing. Now it was time to go grab that Garmin and return it triumphantly to my father-in-law, who as I imagined it, would jump for joy at my success. His appreciation would know no bounds and I’d collect some brownie points from the wife for future use.

Slam dunk!

I unplug the charger from the phone, pull the device out of its well-hidden spot and push the power button in delightful anticipation. Nothing happens. I try again. Nothing. I flip the device and see that the lithium ion battery had actually come apart when I’d placed the device into the crevice. This was because the cover of the device had to be removed in order to plug the charger into it. So, the battery never got charged.

With my hopes for brownie points, appreciation of my efforts and celebration of my genius completely gone, I handed the device back to my grim looking father-in-law with an apology. At the same time, I looked up to see my wife laughing at me and shaking her head.

“I can’t believe that the battery came off. All that work for nothing,” she said jokingly. “That is classic you.”

As she said this, something in my mind clicked.

“Classic me?”

“Does she believe that I failed to succeed in getting the Garmin charged because I did a half-assed job?”

“Does she have an impression that I fail a lot?”

During the drive back home, I started thinking.

It was true that I didn’t check the device to make sure that the battery was still in its place while charging. In fact, I didn’t even check to see if the outlet was working. It was a half-assed job. In my desire for a quick win and to get an easy approval from my father-in-law, I didn’t check to make sure that everything was working as expected before sitting down to eat. A tiny oversight that cost me big.

It also hit me that I have this tendency to jump up and offer help as much as possible. It’s my way to get the appreciation and approval from others. However, because I jump to help out on all situations, I don’t always succeed. It’s either because I didn’t have enough time. Or I didn’t have enough resources. Or because, to be honest, it really wasn’t something I wanted to do but offered to help anyway.

My intentions and my efforts, no matter how benevolent, were useless.

And there is the problem.

Even though I probably satisfied my family over 80% of the time, people tend to remember disappointments more vividly and for a longer time than moments of happiness. So, in my wife’s mind, the “classic” me failed a lot. The “classic” me didn’t always put 100% effort in achieving success when it came to helping my family. She placed a deep discount on the value of my successes.

The same is true at the office.

There are many of us who happily on a new project or a new assignment or a new task even when we already have enough on our plate. Because we are ambitious. We are driven. We want to get noticed.

And what better way to get exposure than to get your hands in as many initiatives and projects as possible.

But here’s the thing. No matter how well intentioned you are or how many long hours you are willing to put, when you spread yourself across too many activities, you are bound to fail at a few.

Some you will fail because you weren’t able to devote enough time to go through the minutia. Some will fail because you relied too heavily on someone who didn’t care as much about the project’s success. But most of the time, you may not completely fail. You’ll work extra hard to finish the project but will end up delivering a low quality product. You tried to please everyone, juggled too much stuff and things fell through the cracks.

It happens.

You may not even notice. You’re so busy focusing on the 8 out of ten projects that were completed successfully and on-time, that you minimized the two failures.

But as I said, people don’t place as high a value on the successes of others as they place on their failures.

One little oversight or a little mistake can derail all your efforts.

In the stock trading world, there’s a saying: “You’re only as good as your last trade.”

The same is true in the corporate world. You’re only as good as your last success.

So how does one get around this.

It’s simple!

Just don’t take on everything. Learn to say no. You don’t need to please everyone.

Those who say that the way to career success is to never say no. Those people are assholes. Take a look at them. They’re going no-where. You know why? Because they’re too busy being everyone’s bitch.

When you try to make everyone happy, you make no one happy. When you try to stand for everything … you stand for nothing.

So be strategic about what you take on. Review all the stuff that’s on your plate. Get rid of i.e. delegate items that are time suckers with low impact. Take on projects and tasks that you know for sure you can complete, especially if they are ones with high visibility. Focus on one to two items at a time. And work on these whole-heatedly. Don’t cut corners. Don’t rush. Work your ass of to get nothing short of perfection.

Now you’ll be known only for your successes.

People may not like you for saying ‘no’, but they’ll like you a lot less when you say ‘yes’ and then fail. They may think you’re an asshole but they will begrudgingly respect you for being honest.

In my personal case, I didn’t really have to run around to help my father-in-law. If I hadn’t offered, he would have looked for an outlet and then would have moved on. He wouldn’t even have associated me with that bad experience. Had I not said anything, he would probably have pulled out the navigation app on his phone and used that. Yes, he hates using it but he knows how. In fact, that’s exactly what he did.

We would have gone on with our lives and I would have walked out of that lunch with a neutral score. But I had to get involved and so, by failing, I walked out in negative territory.

At least my beautiful, amazing wife got a huge chuckle.

What your “Out-Of-Office” message says about you…

Your personality heavily influences the path your life will take. The difference between someone who’s a failure vs. someone stuck in mediocrity vs. someone wildly successful is very deeply rooted in your character traits and habits. The differences are very subtle at an individual level but add up quickly.

Recently saw this posted on by Ruslan Kogan on Linkedin which provides a perfect example of the subtle difference between a high performer and a mediocre one.

You can tell a lot about a person’s work ethic from how they word their Out Of Office email template when they go on leave. You can also tell if it’s a person that’s driven by and gets inner fulfillment from achieving an end goal or simply by fulfilling their minimum contractual obligations.

Out Of Office template for someone who always does the bare minimum:

I am out of the office until 20th January and will not be checking my emails during this time. Please email john@smith.com.

Out Of Office template for a high achiever:

I am out of the office until 20th January and will have limited access to emails so please expect a slightly delayed response. You can also contact john@smith.comwhile I’m away or if any matter is urgent, you can call my cell on 0412 345 678.

So keep an eye on what Out Of Office template your team mates choose to use. It’s a good guide.

Which one are you?

Read the entire article “Don’t hire Hotmail users & other tips to save your company culture“

Master the annual performance review

Welcome to the new year!

While you’re still recovering from that amazing holiday vacation and desperately trying to hold onto your new year’s resolution, your company wants you to reflect on the past year and tell them all about how you think you did.

It’s called the annual performance review. It’s the report card your company uses to evaluate you. Some companies take this process really seriously. Some don’t.

You, however, should take the performance review process very seriously. It’s the one opportunity the company gives you to actively toot your horn and not feel guilty about it. And the best part is that it becomes part of company records. All your glory (or lack thereof) is read, analyzed and stored for future reference and use.

So, here’s how to ace your review.

Avoid surprises |

If you’re waiting for the year end annual review to find out what your manager thinks of you, you’re screwed. You should know exactly what’s going to be on your review before you walk into your one-on-one. The only way to do this is to get periodic feedback sessions with your boss. Most bosses won’t have the time to set this up so make it your job. One of the first things you should do when starting a new job or starting a new year at the same job is to ask if you can set up periodic informal feedback sessions.

Then follow through.

Set meetings every month or at least once a quarter. It’s your job to know when your boss is unhappy with you and to fix it. Solicit “real time feedback” after a meeting or a pitch and ask for feedback directly both good and bad. It’s fresh and allows you to improve immediately. More importantly, it shows you care

Don’t sit around till the end to find out what you could have done. Too little. Too Late.

Market the hell out of your successes |

Influence your boss’s impression of you by taking action well ahead of review time. Throughout the year, you keep track of the accomplishments you’ve had … both small and large. Talk to your boss about every single one as soon as possible without appearing to be bragging. If possible, thank her for her support or acknowledge how you couldn’t do it without her help.

Then, during the annual review, make sure you line these successes up against your goals. And if you did it right, then your boss will remember all those accomplishments you guys talked about.

Brevity is key |

Seriously, don’t write a book. Be nice to your boss and try to keep your goals and commentary to no more than 500 – 700 characters. In a twitter driven world where 140 characters can move worlds, there’s nothing you can’t say in a few sentences. Use bullet points that get straight to the point. Abbreviation when used appropriately is fine. Do not use language you use to text your friends. No “LOL” or “IDK” or “WTF”

 Use numbers & well defined metrics |

Follow up your successes with quantifiable metrics. You increased sales by 13%. You decreased cost by $180K. You increased productivity by x%. Numbers make an impression. They give instant credibility.

Align your successes with the goals of company |

Some companies will distribute a set of goals for the year. In these cases, make sure that your goals and successes are aligned to leverage the things that are important to your leaders.

Even if your company doesn’t actually distribute goals, you need to figure out what’s important to your boss and the overall company.

Align your goals with those of your boss. This way, when you crush them, you make your boss look good. When he looks good, he will make you look good.

Be a marketing guru |

Highlight strengths but downplay weaknesses. If you led the successful implementation of the new ERP system but it was over budget, then focus on and highlight that you implemented it. Highlight the perceived or realized benefits. Don’t mention the fact that it was over budget.

Don’t lie |

This is a no-brainer. Don’t take credit for shit you didn’t do. The last thing you want is to be called out for being a liar. Remember, anything that goes on your review stays in the system forever. Being known as a liar ain’t a good career move.

Be positive |

The importance of displaying a positive attitude towards your job, your colleagues, your manager and your company can not be understated. The performance evaluation is not an avenue for you to bitch and complain. Remember how I said earlier that it becomes part of your permanent record?

No matter how pissed you are at something, use positive language.

In fact, you need to make sure nothing negative goes onto the evaluation. Nothing negative from you about the company, the job or anything else. And definitely nothig negative about you from your boss.

You can use the annual review to remind your boss about all the great things you accomplished … so that he remembers them when he’s deciding pay raises. You can use the annual review to secure a promotion. And most importantly, you can use the performance review process to set goals and expectations for the upcoming year. This way, when you crush them, your boss will notice.

Finally, the annual performance review a great way to set the stage for your future success at the company. By getting in front of it early every year, you can actively shape the image of you seen by senior leaders. This can be a deciding factor when they’re looking to promote from within.

Don’t f#@k the drunk intern … and other career saving holiday party tips

Holiday parties are back! Companies are makin’ money and the ones that aren’t being cheap are bringing back the holiday party in full swing.

While it’s supposed to be a time to hang loose and let your hair down, in reality, it’s the opposite. It’s an opportunity for you to show that you can be reserved and professional when you don’t have to be. It’s an opportunity to show upper management that you can take care of yourself and not embarrass the company if left to your own devices.

Holiday parties won’t make your career. But they can definitely derail it if you’re not careful and if you’re not on your best behavior.

Here’s how not to screw up.

Do NOT skip the party … or be really late

While there is never an obligation to attend a holiday party, don’t be that prick who’s too cool to attend. No matter how lame you think it is, you must go. The people who organize these i.e. most likely your boss(es) will notice. Even if they don’t, don’t miss the opportunity to show off your polished social skills and mingle with upper management.

Showing up extra fashionably late? You’re just being extra dumb. Senior management probably won’t stay too long. For them, this is not a time to hang loose. They’re still working. So, most of them will stick around for the obligatory hour or two and then make an exit. You do not want to miss out.

Married? Don’t take your spouse if they’re not invited. However, definitely do bring them if they are invited. Don’t have a baby sitter? Find one. They’re working? Tell them to call in sick. This is important to you. They need to show up and represent the hell out of you i.e. make you look good.

Which leads me to the one exception. If your spouse or significant other is incapable of making you look good in front of others, then save yourself and leave them at home.

Dress well

This is a no brainer. You’re going to a business social function to see and to be seen. So wear something nice. More importantly, dress with class.

Men | Wear a suit if you can. Even if others don’t. BUT…and it’s a big “but”. Make sure to wear a suit that looks good on you. Don’t pull out that 5 year old suit that’s too big or too tight. If you don’t look good in it, throw it back in the closet and go buy another.

Women | Dress to impress. Look hot without looking slutty. Tight fitting dresses are risky so instead, go with form fitting. When you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, it shows in your confidence. Just please refrain from showing off too much skin. Avoid making this about your body regardless of how sexy it is. Don’t allow yourself to get boxed as the “chick from legal with the hot legs.” It’s about you as the whole package.

Married? Make your significant other also follow the rules above. They represent you and your brand at this shin-dig. Don’t let them pull you down.

Don’t show up hungry

Yes, there will be food. Tons of free food. But do you really want to waste your time in the food line? Precious time that can be spent mingling. So, grab a drink, walk around and look for the key people you need to get in front of.

When you do eat, keep the items on your plate to things that can be eaten in small bites. Avoid looking gluttonous. You don’t want to be caught in the middle of a conversation with a big ass chunk of food in your mouth. Stay away from anything that is too liquid (gravy, sauces, etc) or anything that can stain your clothes if it falls.

Make sure you’ve got nothing in your teeth.

Control alcohol intake

This is NOT the place to get drunk. So go with a plan to stay attentive and focused. Know how many drinks it takes to get you from a good confidence boosting buzz to tipsy. You want to stay in that “confidence boosting buzz.” So as soon as you reach it, stop drinking. Get a glass of water or coke or something. Wait 15-20 mins before the next drink.

Notice that the senior leaders are either drinking water or other non-alcohol beverages or they will nurse their one drink forever. That means, their judgments are not clouded. Neither should yours.

Leverage your spouse…big time

Your spouse or significant other knows you better than anyone else in that room. They can help you raise your profile, both in the room and at the office.

First, your significant other is your arm candy. If they look good, you look good.

Second, your significant other can be a great cheerleader and marketer of your brand. Have them with you when you approach the big boss and her husband. While you’re buttering up the boss, your partner should work on their significant other. While you make a good impression on the lady who has an influence over your career, your spouse can make a good impression on the one person who has influence over the boss lady.

Avoid talking shop

While it’s inevitable that conversations about work will come up, play it smart and keep it light and high level.

• Don’t bitch about work | by doing so, you’re being a downer.
• Don’t talk badly about people | anything you say can and will get back to them or worse, HR.
• Don’t pitch big ideas to the CEO | use the time to connect with her on a personal level and then subtly request if you can put some time on her calendar to discuss some thoughts (ideas) you’ve had. Most likely she will say yes. Leave it at that. Follow through the next day.
• Don’t linger with one person too long | unless the person is your BFF at the office, don’t hog up all their time.
• Have a list of people you want to get in front of. Make sure that you do.

Do. Not. Twerk.

If there is dancing, keep it classy.

This ain’t an audition for “Bring it On”. Keep the booty shaking, the soulja boy, the gangnum style, the harlem shake, the anaconda and whatever else you’ve got, to yourself. You may be the best twerker on your block. Your colleagues don’t need to know.

If you’re with a significant other, dance only (or mostly) with them. If you’re by yourself, dance with a group of people you are friends with. No grinding.

Again … keep drinking to a minimum.

No flirting … no hookups

This isn’t prom. OK? The goal of the night shouldn’t be to hook up with someone. Even if the opportunity presents itself like your favorite dessert on a diamond encrusted plate … just walk away. You are being watched and you are being judged. It’s not worth losing your job over or being the known as the creep that took advantage of poor drunk intern.

Some others

• If sitting at a table, don’t leave without asking if anyone else needs something – we know you can’t carry it all.
• Make an effort to walk around and say hello to as many people as possible. Don’t sit at one table for the entire evening.
• Avoid cell phone use. Post to Facebook later.
• If you do take a call, it better be from the baby sitter or the hospital.

The Korporate Klimber looks at the holiday party as an opportunity to leverage a career boost. I’m not saying that the holiday party is where you pitch your next big idea. Definitely don’t do that. But it is a great opportunity to set the stage for next year.

Just don’t screw it up and become memorable for something stupid.

The “Buy-in” is a little known but incredibly powerful tool for corporate success

You’ve got a good idea. Maybe it’s a new software system to help automate time-consuming manual processes. Maybe you saw a complicated problem and figured out a solution. Or a new initiative aimed at improving current processes. It’s going to help many people across multiple divisions. Implementing it could make a crucial difference for your company and will make every impacted person’s life easier. You talk to your boss and she gives you the go-ahead. You are excited. You spend extra time at the office researching and planning. You do all the work. You create a power point deck to present to the stake holders. You put a meeting on the calendar and invite all the right people. Your research is solid. Your presentation is kick-ass. This is a high-visibility project that could even catapult your career. You can’t wait to blow the socks off everyone.

On the day of the meeting, you present it to the group. But you don’t get the response you were expecting. Instead you get confounding questions and some inane comments in return. The guy in operations who’s group would likely benefit the most, points out a small obscure flaw in your idea and unnecessarily makes it a huge issue. You try to explain that the roadblock he pointed out is minor and can be resolved. But at this point, no one is listening. Before you know, your idea is dead, shot down. You can’t believe it. This was supposed to be a no-brainer. You leave the meeting feeling frustrated at the lack of support.

What happened?

You failed to get the buy-in.

The concept of a buy-in is little understood in the lower ranks of the corporate hierarchy, but it is one of the most effective tools used by those at the top.

The idea of a buy-in is simple. It’s the execution that requires a lot of work on your part.

Wikipedia sums it up the best | “In management and decision making, buy-in signifies the commitment of interested or affected parties to a decision. The goal is to get the stakeholders to ‘buy into’ the decision, that is, to agree (in advance) to give it support , often by having been involved in its formulation.

So what does this mean?

It means you need to get everyone’s involvement and support before you walk into the conference room. Before “officially” presenting an idea in front of many people in a public setting, you need to meet with each person “unofficially”. In this unofficial meeting, take the persons through your idea and your presentation and ask for candid feedback. By discussing it with them privately, you give each person the time to absorb your idea. In addition, you give them an opportunity to privately voice their concerns and opposition and thus, give you time to tweak your plans and presentation. Many follow up meetings may be needed to get their buy in. But in the end, you will have secured support before you even step into the meeting. In a best case, they may even contribute to making your idea better.

DO NOT schedule the official meeting until you have every person’s input and support for your idea.

Listen. Unfortunately, it’s human nature to be self-serving and envious of others. No one, especially those who think you are competing against them at the workplace, wants to see you succeed if they can’t enjoy the same success or be a part of your success. They definitely don’t want to see you come up with great ideas and get a ton of recognition while they sit on their asses doing nothing.

Majority of the time, it’s not even on purpose. Much of human behavior is driven by the subconscious. Your idea may result in a change to the status-quo and many people don’t like change. Usually, in people’s mind, there is a belief system in place about how things should work. Not only are you challenging that belief, you’re telling them that it’s wrong and it needs to change. This makes them uncomfortable. So, it doesn’t matter how great your idea is. It doesn’t even matter if it’s in their best interest. They’re going to find a hole and shoot it down because a) there’s no way you should be getting ahead and b) it’s not aligned with their belief system.

And there’s your ticket. “It’s not aligned with their belief system.” You can work on that.

How? By winning hearts and minds. By gently nudging their belief system to align with yours. Get the idea in front of them beforehand and actively ask for their input. Another subconscious aspect of human nature is advice giving. People LOVE giving advice and opinions. It’s an instant ego booster. By asking for their opinions, you’re making them feel important and getting them to connect with your project at an emotional level [subconsciously]. And honestly, you may actually benefit from their input. As you go through and incorporate everyone’s ideas and even figure out how to address the comments and challenges from the naysayers, you can ensure that you get everyone’s buy-in before you even enter that conference room.

You do this and your success is guaranteed.